Six years ago while in the waiting for my career to sprout out of struggle, I wrote a blog. At that time; I was dealing with internal and external struggles that threatened my future. You know – the voices inside your head fueled by the visible failures. I had moved to the USA to take the medical board exams only to find out I was ineligible at the time. I felt very inadequate.
In dealing with that difficult time, I wrote down words of encouragement to myself. Most of them were analogies from life stories in which I would look for a silver lining – you know – something to hold on to. Anything to redeem the situation. Some stories made it to the internet and others did not.
There were reservations in me writing online. I revealed partial truths hiding behind the fear of social judgment. I would ask myself questions like :- ” what if my really close friends read this? “, or “what if my family members took offense to this” or “what if I am not a good enough person to share this with someone else?”. Once these thoughts rose up within me, knots would literally tie up in my belly, heartburn squeezed my chest and my under arms will drown in perspiration and then I would turn to write in my makeshift journal and only to place it on my nightstand. I have had a few of these journals over the years.
We all ask questions when evaluating decisions about our lives, particularly how they affect others. These are valid because our lives are best lived when we are interdependent in love with family, friends and other meaningful relationships. But on the other hand, FEAR hinders the plans and purposes God has laid in our hearts. It may be a fear of failure, misjudgment, disapproval, or negativity. Sometimes we are even afraid of the inability to carry out purpose.
Today, although I am
fearless not completely free of fear, I have through God’s grace built the courage to withstand my fearful human nature. I now choose to publish these words of encouragement that have been deposited in my heart. Words that have taken me through diverse challenging circumstances. I choose to put them on the internet so that when I am older, when I fall, or when my future children’s children need a word in season, we would all have a biblically based resource on the internet to lift us up.
Ps 94:19 In the multitude of my [anxious] thoughts within me, Your comforts cheer and delight my soul!